My Name Is Ben, and Im a Nurse / Addict


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That was not why people were hanging out with me. Walsh: I would not be able to write music, I would not be able to play live in front of people—that was the big one. Smith: I spent a while talking to friends and family friends who were linked in to recovery, then went to a detox facility, and then lived in a sober-living facility for six months. Tyler: I went away. Isbell: First I went into the hospital to detox. It was pretty painful. Harper: I was going in for surgery—I have a new disc between my L4 and L5. And after the surgery, I just felt I would be doing my body, my age, and my future a great disservice.

I just forced myself. It was a battle of will. Probably more difficult than losing a job, but not as difficult as losing a parent.

Harder than moving, but not harder than your house burning down. Soko: It was very easy for me to stop. On top of being addicted to alcohol, I was also bulimic. I stopped food addiction and alcohol all at once—vegan, gluten-free, no processed food, no sugar, no alcohol, no caffeine, overnight. And I want my life to have meaning.

Walsh: I had to start all over, from the basics—I had to learn to get up and make my bed and not drink. Smith: It was ego-shattering, for sure. It was wild, I would say. It was tough, man. There were really dark moments, and counting literal seconds. Tyler: You know, it took us down. Walsh: I was that scared little kid again.

So I stuck around. Anastasio: I had a sort of different situation than most people, in that I was facing felony charges, based on what was in my car when I was pulled over. I had to move within half an hour of the jail, which was in Fort Edward, New York, because they call you in for random urine tests and stuff. So I basically had to stop my life for 14 months. I did or something hours of community service—cleaning the bathrooms and toilets at the Washington County fairgrounds, putting up fences, parking cars, breaking rocks—and court-ordered outpatient [treatment], and drug-court meetings.

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I just had to move up there and spent 14 months just getting sober and complying with the rules. If you miss a meeting, they put you in jail for 48 hours. Which happened to me—I had to go to jail a couple of times. This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Which I think is something that has to happen. Anastasio: It was horrifying and scary at the time, the concept of life without this stuff.

My Name Is Ben, and I'm a Nurse / Addict by Benjamin D. Cox

My entire perspective shifted degrees. Everything I thought was bad was good, basically. I think I was so disgusted with myself, so disgusted with what I had become, that I was willing to give up, and that was kind of the key. Even when the guy arrested me, I remember thanking him. While my head was on the cop car. It was so much shame involved. So what I did was I just did whatever everybody told me. Now I have to sit there and be with myself, and that is most terrifying of all. Anastasio: When I first got sober, they had me do all this writing.

You have to start journaling like crazy. I was asked to sit down and write this list of everything that I lost to drugs and alcohol. Because I laughed with the three guys from Phish from the day we met. And as soon as those drugs came into it, that was what went away. Isbell: I wrote my way through it. You are. And I was almost like an alien in my own landscape. Tyler: The confusion goes away. Your friends come back. You can keep a little money in the bank. You can plan things and make them work. You get physically healthy.

Looking back, I just feel like a completely different person.

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And if you live in that reality long enough, that altered reality becomes your reality. Soko: I started making music. I started booking more films. Work became easy. I never had a hangover again, which was awesome. Harper: If you have the slightest amount of self-loathing, when you stop using alcohol, it rears its head a bit higher. Baker: A difficulty of mine, and I think this is true for many addicts, is not transmuting your addiction to something else.

Physicians Get Addicted Too

When you have an addictive personality, you fixate upon things easily. Routines and behaviors, and ritual, becomes very important. When I quit substances, I started chain-smoking all the time. Then I quit smoking and I started running, but I would run constantly.

Every time I wanted a cigarette…which was all the time. And I would sustain joint and tendon injuries.

A Boy Ate 150 Gummy Vitamins For Breakfast. This Is What Happened To His Bones.

Obtaining, or using, or whatever it was. Life is too good.

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Smith: Sure. What used to be a craving for alcohol is now more of a romanticized memory. I let the tape play out, watch the movie until the end and see what it would really do and what would really happen, rather than just remember the buzz. But I keep myself surrounded by the people that are, and I rely on them for things in my life. Baker: Not all the time.

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My Name Is Ben, and Im a Nurse / Addict My Name Is Ben, and Im a Nurse / Addict
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